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Stephen Colbert simply can’t give up speaking about studies in regards to the existence of a tape rumored to indicate Donald J. Trump in a compromising place in a Moscow lodge room. On Monday, he bemoaned a latest assertion by Christopher Steele, a British ex-spy, that such a tape “most likely exists.”
“No! No, Chris Steele, you’ll not get my hopes up once more. I’ve moved on — my coronary heart can not take this!” Colbert mentioned. “This present had an official final pee-pee tape joke on January twenty fifth. You can not get me to speak about this till the precise tape has been launched — or no less than streamed.”
“I’m warning you, Steele. If this seems to be a false report once more, ‘urine’ hassle.” — STEPHEN COLBERT
The Punchiest Punchlines (One other Shot Version)
“And right here’s an enormous story, particularly when you obtained the Johnson & Johnson one-and-done vaccine. Dr. Anthony Fauci is now saying that FDA knowledge exhibits the Johnson & Johnson vaccine ought to have been two pictures. I imply, come on — it was proper there within the title.” — JAMES CORDEN
“For each Pfizer and Moderna, the advice is that after six months, individuals over the age of 65 or who’ve pre-existing situations ought to get a booster. However for Johnson & Johnson, the panel recommends boosters for individuals 18 and older, and it may be given two months after the primary shot. Cool! Hey, when that data would have come in useful? Two months after the primary shot!” — STEPHEN COLBERT
“The title itself has two doses: ‘Johnson & Johnson.’ Identical to — identical to how we’re getting ‘Mo’ derna. That’s — that’s science.” — STEPHEN COLBERT
“In associated information, the F.D.A. has requested Johnson & Johnson to rename its ‘No Extra Tears’ shampoo to ‘Legally Talking, Most likely a Few Tears.’” — JAMES CORDEN
The Bits Value Watching
On “The Each day Present,” Jordan Klepper spoke with Trump supporters on the former president’s latest Iowa rally about why they nonetheless imagine he received the election.
What We’re Excited About on Tuesday Night time
Coldplay will proceed its weekly residency on Tuesday’s “Late Late Present.”