January 16, 2022

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Stephen Colbert: Biden Acquired the Pope’s Blessing

Stephen Colbert: Biden Got the Pope’s Blessing

“All proper, now, after President Biden exchanged Irish jokes with the pope, he caught an Uber to Rome for the G20 summit the place he and different world leaders bought all the way down to enterprise.” — TREVOR NOAH

“They agreed to create a world minimal company tax charge of 15 %, which is anticipated to lift lots of of billions of {dollars} till the firms discover a totally different loophole about 5 minutes afterwards.” — TREVOR NOAH

“The primary time you see individuals in particular person post-pandemic is all the time awkward. It explains the G20 itinerary: ‘See one other world chief approaching; surprise in the event that they’re going for a handshake; discover they’re really coming in for a hug; hug them, solely to appreciate possibly they weren’t and also you simply made it awkward; name out the truth that you made it awkward and joke about the way you’ve forgotten the right way to work together with different people; remedy local weather change?’” — STEPHEN COLBERT

“Local weather change was one of many principal issues on the agenda, and the G20 leaders took a daring stand, pledging to attain international net-zero greenhouse-gas emissions by or round midcentury. That doesn’t sound very pressing. It’s like calling 9-1-1 and having the operator inform you the E.M.T.s will probably be there someday between the hours of midday and the funeral.” — STEPHEN COLBERT

“I’m sorry, guys, however how is local weather change essentially the most urgent situation dealing with humanity however then your plan is to do one thing about it by kind of 2050? Like that’s a fairly good signal one thing isn’t going to truly get completed. If any person says, ‘Yeah, yeah, we must always hang around someday. What’s your schedule wanting like in 2050?’ You’ll by no means see the particular person once more.” — TREVOR NOAH

“To not point out, I’m wanting on the individuals making the pledge — half of them aren’t even going to be round in 2050. That’s genius — ‘When are we fixing this? How a lot time do I’ve left? Yeah, yeah — round then!” — TREVOR NOAH

“So principally what they’ve completed is alleged, ‘I wish to lose 100 kilos by the summer season so I’m going to do 5 push-ups by the day after which I don’t know, possibly I’ll get tapeworm. We’ll see what occurs.’” — TREVOR NOAH

Jimmy Kimmel didn’t ask for movies of adults tricking their children into believing they ate all their Halloween treats for his annual problem this yr, however some dad and mom simply couldn’t resist.

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